This is a bad idea. Such a bad idea. Such a train wreck, enabling poor perception of jacked-up bodies bad idea. But we need to see who WWE named as having the best physiques in wrestling history. From 20 down to 1.
In its quest to get clicks (which, to be fair, is the point of any website), WWE.com has gone to great lengths with a new and interesting list seemingly every day. They've done the best wrestlers of the past decade, the greatest moments of the Attitude Era, the best finishers, the top stars in World Championship Wrestling (WCW) history; they've done it all.
In an industry that thrives on breaking men of their own positive body image, one that places unrealistic physical demands on its performers, WWE is actually counting down the top 20 "impressive physiques" in wrestling history.
Should be a train wreck, so of course we weren't going to pass it up. Let's take a gander at the goods.
20. Lance Storm
I always thought he looked rather normal, which tells you everything you need to know about the culture created by the demand for larger than life superhero types.
19. Dolph Ziggler.
Dude is ripped, no question. He's also athletic ... too athletic. Amy Schumer, a former girlfriend, couldn't handle sex with the big Z because he was "spinning me like a Globetrotter." Go, Dolph, go.
18. Antonio Rocca
Not going to pretend like I know anything about a guy from the 1940s. He was hairy, though.
17. Shelton Benjamin
The only thing stopping him now is that ridiculous head of hair. Or the utter lack of charisma.
16. Beth Phoenix
SWERVE! What, you thought women wouldn't be included in this list, you sexist pig?! Here she is, in all her glory. I feel like this has more to do with her character than her body, though.
15. Cody Rhodes
He certainly didn't take after his daddy.
14. Jimmy Snuka
They don't call him the "Superfly" for nothing.
13. Art Thomas
12. Mr. McMahon
Oh, what the hell?
10. Brock Lesnar
If you've ever seen this man in person, he's one of the most physically imposing human beings on Earth. He's like gravity and it's because he's a monster.
Of course he would be here. One above Brock, by the way, and I wonder how that must feel. Intentional? Whatever. Who's next?
I wonder if they would say that if they saw him now.
7. Rocky Johnson
The Soul Man, baby. Where do you think The Rock got his striking good looks from?
6. David Otunga
AND he's Harvard educated. WHAT?!?
5. Lex Luger
Knowing what's happened to him and where he ended up, this is more sad than anything. Plus, so many steroids.
4. The Rock
Let's be real, his head shrank and got big again throughout his career. Little scared by that.
3. Triple H
2. John Cena
Expected him to be number one. Now very curious to see who is number one.
1. Rick Rude
Again, steroids, but that's probably almost this entire list. Still, the ladies loved Rude and the men wanted to look like him.
They don't list snubs but I'm not sure how it's possible Rude and Luger are here and Ultimate Warrior is not. That's a pretty big oversight, unless it was done intentionally, which would make one believe the relationship between the two sides isn't improving, as well as it was previously thought to be.
Anyway, what do you Cagesiders think about the list?