I'm sure all you Cagesiders will be excited to know that the Royal Rumble porn parody Joanie Laurer filmed in February, Chyna Is Queen Of The Ring, is set to be released online on September 4 and in XXX video stores nationwide from September 12, according to a press release by Vivid Entertainment issued yesterday. Please don't all rush out to purchase it at once, guys! Make sure a copy is left for our editor Geno to pick up.
All joking aside, it's quite sad how Vivid is pushing this as "Chyna's incredible sexual fantasy." Even worse is how Laurer has to play along and pretend the shoot was a big turn on for her personally:
This movie made me feel sexy and wanted. I was glad it was a long shoot because I was totally turned on and having so much fun laughing a lot with the guys. I think adult movie fans will go crazy over it!
I used to dream about being a movie star. I didn't expect to be making adult movies because I felt insecure compared to all the beautiful women in the industry. Vivid has given me a life changing opportunity to be glamorous and sensual and I'm delighted with it.
I want my fans to know that I'm better than ever. I've been wanting to make this particular parody for a long time. Of course, I know every player who is parodied and it was great to 'spar' with them again, but this time it was really hot on my new sexual turf.
Though she may take some satisfaction at sticking it to Triple H, Stephanie McMahon and Vince McMahon, all of whom are parodied in the movie, I doubt she is happy with her lot in life.
Personally I don't think Chyna ever fully got over being ditched by Hunter for Stephanie, who he had a lengthy affair with while still going out with the "Ninth Wonder of the World" and she was the last person in the WWE locker room to know about it. When she found out and complained about this to Vince, she was cheerily told "I hope you don't get fired for this" before being hung up on. Ever since then her life has been a complete train wreck, as she turned to booze and pills to cope with the break up, which quickly led to her departure from WWE in 2001. More acrimony with the McMahon family came late last year when they quietly turned down her public overtures for a WWE return. If she was so happy doing porn, then she wouldn't have been attempting to make peace with her sworn enemies.
Indeed, just three months after making the wrestling themed porn parody, she passed out three times at a porn convention before being hospitalized, proving that she was in a worse mess emotionally and physically than ever. Maybe she went into rehab after suffering such a scare, but it's still hard to believe she's better than ever while still working in the exploitative sex industry.
For those that are interested, here are the other porn stars and the roles that they play in Chyna Is Queen Of The Ring:
The cast of "Queen of the Ring" includes Lisa Ann as Stephanie McMahon, Valerie Kay as Ring Girl, Ron Jeremy as himself, Alex Sanders as Ric Flair, Anthony Hardwood as Triple H, Cyrus King as Stone Cold Steve Austin, Evan Stone as Vince McMahon, Marco Banderas as Iron Sheik, Ralph Long as Doink, Sledge Hammer as The Rock, TJ Cummings as John Cena and Tommy Pistol as Gene Okerlund.