Taeler Hendrix would like to show you her IMPACT (via Wikimedia Commons)

Aces & Eights! Beat Downs! Chaos! New IMPACT Order!

Last week (July 19) we saw the masked group "Aces & Eights" attack Kurt Angle, Gut Check contestant Sam Shaw, and even Austin Aries and Bobby Roode in the main event. I personally loved the feint Roode showed. Him offering his hand out to the group in a show of support, only to be knocked down by the group was brilliantly done. Good guys and bad guys alike are feeling the wrath of these unknown bandits. We don't know who Aces & Eights are, what their plan is, or what they are trying to accomplish. This could lead to an excellent storyline.

Or an absolute train wreck.

As I said last week, there are few things as exciting as an invading force in professional wrestling. The obvious caveat to this is it has to lead to something. A meaningless feud between two midcarders can be discarded halfway through without anyone really caring. When you fade to dark on you biggest talents getting curbed stomped two weeks in a row, there has to be an endgame.

I truly don't want to believe the reports that TNA has no idea who the group is actually comprised of. There are parts of TNA that I have found enjoyable. The top of the card has been absolutely excellent since the start of the summer season. If TNA is willing to overshadow the entire promotion, if they are willing to upstage Austin Aries, Bobby Roode, and the entire roster, if they are willing to eclipse the TNA World Heavyweight Championship that they have spent almost a full year building up, with no plan whatsoever, then I truly sincerely hope the promotion dies quickly so I do not have to put up with that garbage.

All that being said, I do have faith in this angle. This should work out. This might work out. This could possibly work out.

Maybe this will work out.

The rest of the show after the jump.

Joe! Storm! Anderson! Hardy! Angle! Bound For Glory Series!

The top five for the Bound For Glory series are as follows:

1. Samoa Joe 47 points (5-2) 7 MATCHES
2. James Storm 43 points (3-1-1) 5 MATCHES
3. Mr. Anderson 30 points (4-4-1) 9 MATCHES
4. Jeff Hardy 28 points (4-2) 6 MATCHES
5. Kurt Angle 27 points (3-2) 5 MATCHES

My oh my, look what we have here. A very close and entertaining race between the best talent in TNA. Honestly, would you be surprised if any of these men would end up winning the Series (with the exception of Mr. Anderson)? Samoa Joe and James Storm have been trading the top spot for weeks now. Jeff Hardy is still insanely over in the IMPACT zone. And while Kurt Angle is 20 points out, two Ankle Locks quickly makes him the top dog.

On top of that, the battle for the TNA Title between Aries and Roode means that there is a possible storyline for everyone. If Aries can hold onto the strap, then facing Joe or Angle makes the most sense. If Roode can win the championship back, though, there is the obvious storyline of Storm getting his shot at revenge. Even if Hardy wins, you will have your top babyface against your top heel.

Simple booking is simple, folks, as long as you don't actively try to screw it up.

Bully! Park! Abyss! Holding Pattern!

Absolutely nothing in the feud between Bully Ray and Joseph Park, Esq. was furthered last week. Bully is still tweeting. Joseph is still pretending we all don't know he's Abyss. And we only saw each character about 5 minutes total, and neither interacted with each other. If only there was some storyline we could drop to have more time for this...

Styles! Crackhead Clair! Daniels! Kazarian! Drunken Nights of Passion! Date Rape!

I'm not even sure what to say about this storyline. There are moments in professional wrestling that make it hard to be a fan. Hulk Hogan, Triple H, and John Cena always putting themselves over, the "Fingerpoke of Doom," pretty much anything Vince Russo is involved in, etc. Then there are moments when one wants to find the remote and turn the show off for good. John Cena pouring BBQ sauce all over Michal Cole, Mae Young giving birth to a hand, etc. And then there is the single worst moment in professional wrestling history: Katie Bleeping Vick. Many thought that its place in history could not be challenged.

Well, we're getting awfully close.

You want to know how long the Katie Vick angle lasted? One month. You want to know how long the AJ Styles/Dixie Carter/Christopher Daniels/Kazarian/Crackhead Clair has been going on for? Two and a half months.

And it is still going on.

What started as a secret pertaining to Styles and Dixie somehow evolved (or devolved) into a recovering addict named Clair admitting to date raping Styles and getting herself pregnant. Reading over the past few months of recaps, I'm still not 100% sure how that happened. But here we are, and it seems it's here to stay.

So I say f*ck it. Let's go balls to the walls and make this as bad as possible.

Let's give Clair twins. Then we find out that Daniels was in love with Clair, and is jealous that she is having Styles' children. But then we learn Dixie is sleeping with Styles' wife, and she set him up with Clair to get him out of the picture. Only then we discover Clair's former smoking buddy was none other than Miss Tessmacher, and boy is she pissed that Clair is clean and sober. So the lot of them are brawling backstage when Kazarian accidently hits Clair in the stomach with a bottle of vermouth (bonus points if he makes bone dry martini joke). Clair is then rushed to the hospital, and she miscarries one of the children. Everyone cries. They all learn a lesson about appreciating the miracle of life, and they all promise to raise the remaining kid as a large happy family.

It cannot possibly get any worse than that, so now whatever they do will seem good by comparison.

You're welcome.