I was intending to open this Precap with a long introduction speaking towards the great achievement that is 1,000 episodes. You know, the pride WWE should feel in constantly putting out a product week in and week out, the beauty that is Monday Night Raw, and how it has influenced each and every one of our lives.
But then I realized that WWE will be doing that enough tonight. So let's get right to the action.
Cena! Punk! Money in the Bank! Rematch! Called shots! WWE Championship!
Did anyone not expect John Cena to call out CM Punk and tell him exactly when and where he was going to cash in his Money in the Bank contract? The only surprise is that the match is set up only eight days after the Money in the Bank Pay-Per-View (PPV), which kind of ruins the whole point of the briefcase. I don't mind Cena calling his shot at all. If they are just going to use up the title shot within a fortnight, though, then they might as well given it to someone else and found another way get Cena vs. Punk on the 1000th episode.
But no matter! We have our main event, and a glorious one at that. It has been almost a year ago since both of these men were holding up the WWE Championship. Looking back on that moment, the imagery is almost too heavy handed. Punk would soon devolve into the funhouse mirror version of Cena; a little shorter, a little skinnier, a little uglier, but cut from the same mold.
This could be the match that changes things. No Money in the Bank cash in has been unsuccessful, leading to the obvious conclusion that Cena will once again be the WWE Champion. And Punk has shown that he is much more interesting when there's a fire under his ass. Tonight can be a night that will redefine both characters. Cena will once again be on top of the company, and Punk will once again be an outsider to the machine.
And the very least, it will give John Cena a legitimate reason to main event every PPV.
The rest of the show after the jump.
Bryan! AJ! Weddings! Love! Mistakes! Interruptions! I DO?!
Give the WWE credit where credit is due. They have stuck with the Daniel Bryan and AJ storyline for eight months now, consistently adding new twists whenever it starts to slow down. It has been, like all relationships, tumultuous and passionate, filled with ups and downs throughout a crazy year. But these two love birds have pulled through the troubles, and now will join hands in holy matrimony.
There is nothing quite like a professional wrestling wedding. A real life wedding is insane enough. Crank all participants up to eleven, and insanity is likely to follow. Oh there will be run ins. There will be brawling. There will be tears and YES! YES! YES!'s. It isn't so much a matter of if anything will go wrong, but what and when will go wrong. With AJ making googly eyes at The Miz on last weeks Raw (July 17) and finding herself in an embrace with Kane on the following SmackDown, one has to wonder if either (or both) of these men will be intervening. Or perhaps it will be something else that goes spectacularly awry. Whatever it ends up being, this is sure going to be a wicked fun time.
Trips! Lesnar! Michaels! Heyman! D! Generation! X! CON! FRON! TATION!
Oh Triple H. Oh "King of Kings." You have been gone from our screens for far too long. What's this? You are bringing your bestest buddy, Shawn Michaels, for a glorious D-Generation X reunion. And it seems you two crazy kids will be opening the one thousandth episode of Raw. How very exciting for you! I'm sure you are being rewarded for you long and magnificent career. It would be very unlike you to have asked for the spotlight.
But what's this? A Mr. Brock Lesnar (with his crony Paul Heyman) is waiting in the wings to spoil your good time. For shame, Lesnar. One would expect more from such a stand up and respectable guy. If two grown men dressed in leather and neon green want to run around pointing to their crotches, it is their God given right as Americans to do so. Who are you, Brock Lesnar, to interrupt their good old fashion fun?
A big bully, that's what.
Expect sexual innuendos, crotch chopping, monologuing that would back a Batman villain blush, and, if we are lucky, PAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNN.
Miscellaneous! Bullet Points!
- FINALLY! The Rock will come back! He will have goose bumps. He will say some catch phrases (TRENDING WORLDWIDE). He will probably Rock Bottom someone. Everyone will cheer.
- There will be a new General Manager of Raw chosen tonight. I don't think anyone has a clue on who they will be choosing, (could it be us?!) but with the emphasis on past GM's recently I wouldn't be surprised if they pulled someone from days past.
- The "Nostalgia Jobber" Heath Slater will (hopefully) be suffering his last nostalgia beat down. The question everyone is asking is who will it be? Perhaps we hear the glass shatter one more time and see "Stone Cold" Steve Austin walk through the curtain? Or can the WWE finally pull a fast one over our heads and grab a wrestler no one was expecting?
- Crazy thought of the Precap: The new Raw GM and Heath Slater's opponent will be the same person
- Crazy thought of the Precap, part duex: It will be The Rock.
Hopefully this has helped get you prepared for the nights activities. Leave a comment about what you are looking forward to, make sure to follow the action @Cagesideseats, please join Geno, myself, and the whole Monday Night gang during the live blog here, and join us after the show for the Cageside Live podcast here.