SoCal Val thinks technology is fun! (via impactwrestling.com)

Apologies for the rushed Precap today, Cagesiders. I had to spend the entire morning at the doctor's office getting pricked by needles. Which is about as painful as watching an episode of IMPACT. Lets get right to it!

Roode! Sting! Hogan! Lumberjacks! Typical TNA! TNA World Heavyweight Championship!

Last week (May 31), I held out hope that this would be the beginning of a new TNA. And then Sting went over on Bobby Roode clean in a lumberjack match to certain jerk the first live IMPACT of the summer.

Because this is how TNA works.

The main event of the Slammiversary Pay-Per-View (PPV) was given maybe the briefest segment of the night, and was hardly referenced again during the broadcast. If TNA believes that this is supposed to be a new "season" or new beginning or new whatever, then they did a downright horrible job showing off their staring attractions. Roode is being talked about as possible the greatest TNA World Heavyweight Champion in the history of the promotion. They cannot make him look as weak as they did. Sting is a great nostalgia act and I'm sure there are plenty of marks that still love him. He should not be getting one on the current champion. When the people in charge of the show do not know the rules of professional wrestling, then there is a failure to launch.

Bobby Roode can be amazing. Not a single viewer who tuned in for the first time got a chance to see that. Instead of hyping this summer with a new and exciting feud to elevate the talent, they are putting an old fart over one of the greatest characters in the business. If Sting wins are Slammiversary on June 10th, there will never be any hope for this promotion.

The rest of the show after the jump.

Styles! Angle! Daniels! Kazarian! Dixie! Secrets! Infidelity!

The actual main event of IMPACT was something I failed to cover in lasts week's Precap, in part because it is so agonizingly stupid. A.J. Styles is portrayed as the clean-cut saint of TNA. He has a wife and three beautiful boys, competes every week with all his heart and without complaints, and is seen as one of the nicest guys on the roster.

However! Christopher Daniels and Kazarian have a dirty little secret about Styles. The duo has been revealing audiovisuals over the past month that seems to imply that Styles and TNA President Dixie Carter have been having an ongoing affair. Except nothing has been shown that explicitly confirms this accusation. Which means A.J. and Dixie were simply planning a super secret surprise party for Christopher Daniels.

If IMPACT wants to be a Saved by the Bell episode, there is certainly a way to go about it. This is not that way. If you're going to go campy, go campy. Don't act like this is super serious business and the entire fate of the promotion is at stake just for the sake of drama.

Joey Ryan! Taz! Joey Ryan! Gut Check! Joey Ryan! Broken Kayfabe! ... Joey Ryan!

If I had to show someone a single storyline that could perfectly encapsulate what TNA is all about, it would be this right here. It has it all; over the hill legends, insider language, Hogan finding a way to inject himself into any angle, and a talent with real potential getting the shaft. Joey Ryan has been working in the indies for over a decade with an extremely impressive resume, and last week he was given a shot to be hired by TNA.But of course instead of focusing on the new blood, it was Taz who hogged the camera. "The Human Suplex Machine's" took the focus onto himself with his deciding no vote, sent Joey Ryan packing. So Ryan did what we all wish we could do; cut an amazing promo attacking all involved in the proceedings. This man has the stuff to be great, and hopefully he'll get an opportunity to show it.

If this is just an angle, it's a damn good one. Joey Ryan comes back for revenge against Taz, they have a match at Slammiversary for a contract, and Ryan walks away a new TNA employee. If TNA honestly just wasted a fourth of their first live show on a guy that won't even work there, though? That...is just too sad to contemplate.

Hopefully this has helped get you prepared for the nights activities. Leave a comment about what you are looking forward to, make sure to follow the action @Cagesideseats, and please join Geno, myself, and the whole MondayThursday Night gang during the live blog here.