Cageside LeBron James Haters, while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this because before I leave this web site with the cSs Championship, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.
I don't hate you, Cageside LeBron James Haters. I don't even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than all the Cageside crazies who swear Tim Tebow's scrotum is filled with Clutch.
I hate this idea that LeBron isn't the best. Because he is. He's the best. He's the best in the world. There's one thing you Cageside LeBron James Haters are better at than I am, and that's kissing the Mainstream Media's ass. You're as good as kissing the Mainstream Media's ass as Hulk Hogan was. I don't know if you're as good as Dwayne Wade though. He's a pretty good ass-kisser. Always was and still is.
Whoops! I'm breaking the fourth wall! (waves to the camera)
LeBron is the best basketball player in the world. He's been the best since day one when he walked into the NBA. And he's been vilified and hated since that day because Objective And Rational-Minded folks saw something in him that nobody else wanted to admit. That's right, I'm an Objective And Rational-Minded guy. You know who else was an Objective and Rational-MInded guy? Brock Lesnar. And he split just like I'm splitting cSs. But the biggest difference between me and Brock is I'm not jobbing to HHH in August.
I've grabbed so many of Geno Mrosko's imaginary brass rings that it's finally dawned on me that they're just that, they're completely imaginary. The only thing that's real is me and the fact that day in and day out for over six months I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best on this web site, in that live blog, even in cSs commentary! Nobody can touch me!
And yet no matter how many times I defend Asterisk and LeBron, I'm not on your lovely little cSs collector cups, I'm not on the front page of Cageside Seats. I'm barely promoted. I don't get to be in Geno's sand pit. I'm certainly not on any crappy podcast on the cSs Network. I'm not on the poster of the cSs Raw Live Blog. I'm not even listed as a choice on Shadowbird's Cageside GM Poll fanpost. I'm not on Conan O'Brien. I'm not being stalked by AJ. But the fact of the matter is, I should be. This isn't sour grapes. But the fact that joliemadchen is going to WrestleMania next year and I'm not makes me sick!
Oh hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just as big a part of me leaving cSs as anything else. Because you're the ones who are sipping on those collector cups. You're the ones who vote on Shadowbird's GM poll that my name isn't listed on. And then at five in the morning at the airport, CJ Bradford tries to cut an "18-Seconds"-related promo in my face but I can't understand a damn thing he says because I'm too lazy to go get a Boston translation app.
I'm leaving with the cSs Championship on June 22nd. And hell, who knows, maybe I'll go defend it at that spyware pro wrestling web site. Maybe, I'll go back to Figure Four Online.
(looks at the camera and waves)
Hey Dave Meltzer, how you doing?
The reason I'm leaving cSs is you people. Because after I'm gone, you're still going to pour web traffic into Cageside Seats. I'm just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel is going to keep turning, and I understand that. Geno Mrosko is going to make money despite himself. He's a ten thousandaire who should be a slightly better dressed ten thousandaire. You know why he's not a slightly better dressed ten thousandaire? Because he surrounds himself with arm-tattooed, Orton Hard, douchebag Yes Men vegans like Sergio Hernandez, who's going to tell him that dressing up like Chyna is actually a good idea.
And I'd like to think that maybe adult movies will get better after Hulk Hogan is dead. But the fact is, it's going to be taken over by his idiotic daughter and his doofus son and the rest of his stupid family.
Let me tell you a personal story about Geno Mrosko alright. We do this whole CSS Pro Wrestling Tournament campaign