SoCal Val would like to welcome you to IMPACT WRESTLiNG (via impactwrestling.com)

We're giving Impact the full Monday Night Raw treatment, folks! I'm not sure how long this will last, but I figured we might as well do it right. So take a cab and follow me into the dark.

Bobby! Hogan! Sting! Longest! Reign! Ever! TNA World Heavyweight Championship!

For the uninitiated, a quick history of recent TNA management: Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff formed a stable named Immortal and stole Impact from Dixie Carter. Sting then beat Hogan at the Bound for Glory pay-per-view (PPV) on Oct. 16, 2011, and regained control. Hogan would have a face turn literally minutes later and defend Sting from Eric Bischoff and the rest of Immortal. Fast forward a few months, and Sting would relinquish control of Impact and hand it over to Hogan. Because this is how TNA works.

On the other side, we have Bobby Roode. The current TNA heavyweight champion has scrapped, brawled, cheated, and lucked into the longest single reign in TNA history ... and burnt every bridge along the way. I encourage all of you to watch his celebration after beating A.J. Styles last week (May 24). In what should have been his proudest moment, he has no one. No friends, no family, not even a heel faction to stand behind him. He only has himself and his title. This may be one of the greatest characters in professional wrestling today, and it is a damn shame he is stuck on Impact.

A returning Sting and Roode will face off tonight in a non-title lumberjack match, a match made by Hogan himself. In one corner, we have a homegrown TNA talent who has isolated himself from the roster and stands alone against all challengers. In the other, there are two old farts that witnessed the collapse of one promotion and seems intent on being a part of another. Hogan is determined to remove the title from Roode and place it on his hand picked successor. The metaphor would be heavy handed if it was done on purpose. As it stands, it is just more of the same from TNA. There is great potential for Bobby Roode, and quite frankly it is a near miracle he has been given time to grow. Maybe this truly is the beginning of a new TNA.

The rest of the show after the jump.

Park! Bully! Abyss! Missing Brother! Trial By Fire!

Ready for a weird storyline? Abyss has been missing since his match with Bully Ray at the Genesis PPV on Jan. 8, so his "brother" Joseph Park has been looking for him. Two things you need to know about Joseph; First, he is a lawyer. Second, he's actually Abyss without the mask. But he is determined to find his brother, and all the evidence points to Bully being involved. However! Abyss showed up at the May 10 Impact and warned his little brother (who is actually himself) that he was "getting too close to the fire." Joseph Park ignored the warning and confronted Bully Ray last week, which led to him getting his ass kicked. This search will continue tonight, most likely with similar results.

You ever try to explain a dream to someone? I think that is pretty much exactly like jumping into the middle of a TNA storyline.

Devon! Garett! Robbie E! Robbie T! Television Championship! Teamwork!

Last week Devon called out Garrett Bischoff (whom I've heard is a badass) for eliminating him in a battle royal the week before. Their match was interrupted, though, when Robbie E and Robbie T ran in and attacked them both. It seems Robbie E wants the television championship, even though he's already had three previous shots at it. Devon and Garrett were able to work together, though, and repelled the matching pink sweater wearing attackers. The duo was even able to share a hug. Isn't that sweet? Look for this feud to be furthered tonight.

Brooke! Kim! Young! ODB! Knockouts! Tag Team! Gender Equality!

Are you guys excited about an actual women's division? The TNA Knockouts get a decent amount of time devoted to their angles, are allowed to have real matches, and have a decent size roster with distinct characters. These are all good things. Gail Kim jumped from the WWE for a reason, and honestly I don't blame her in the slightest. As bad as TNA is in a lot of respects, there are a lot of positives regarding the Knockouts.

That said, there are still downsides. The first is that Brooke Hogan makes her debut tonight to lead the Knockouts division. There are only two ways this can go: neutral or bad. There is no good.

The second is that not only is there a Knockout Championship, but also a Knockout Tag Team Championship. The fact that they are giving legitimacy to the division by having a tag team championship is a definitely a good thing.

However, the holders of the Knockout Tag Team Championship are ODB and her new husband, Eric Young. I really have no clue if this is brilliant or horrible. Isn't a woman competing against men a strike against the glass ceiling? Is it the same when it goes in the other direction? Do we attack Young for fighting against girls, or do we applaud the Knockouts for not maintaining gender roles? And how the hell is TNA even making me think about these things?

Hopefully this has helped get you prepared for the nights activities. Leave a comment about what you are looking forward to, make sure to follow the action @Cagesideseats, please join Geno, myself, and the whole Monday Thursday Night gang during the live blog here, and join us after the show for the Cageside Live podcast here.