"I know C.J. loves you, AJ. But the people have demanded moah Kaitlyn!" (via wwe.com)
Looking back at my WrestleMania 28 Precap, I actually called most matches correctly. I kind of hedged my bets with John Cena vs. The Rock, which I really shouldn't have done. I was 100% spot on with it. I did that with the rest of the card as well. I need to just go with my gut, and give the people a straight prediction without sitting on the fence.
So, with that in mind, I'm going to be debuting my new Pay-Per-View feature: Outrageous Predictions That, If Right, I'll Be a Genius. Or OPTIRIBAG for short (pronounced Op-tree-bag). After giving you the traditional summery you are accustomed to within the Precap, I will be delivering exactly what the name suggests. An outrageous prediction that will most likely be wrong, but in the off chance that it proves correct I will be considered an absolute genius. Not that I'm not already, but it's always nice to have some positive reinforcement.
So lets break down the entire card after the jump
We're going bottom up today, because as well all know you got to save the best for last.
Poor, poor Miz. Remember when he won Money in the Bank, and was seen as just on the verge of being a main eventer? No? Remember when he cashed it in, won the WWE Championship and became the "most must see WWE Champion?" Not at all? Remember when he pinned John Cena 1-2-3 in the middle of the ring at WrestleMania 27? You don't, you say? Remember when he teamed with R-Truth to form Awesome Truth, probably the best tag team in today's WWE, and main evented Survivor Series against John Cena and The Rock? No memories of it at all? Remember when he scored the winning pin for Team Johnny at WrestleMania 28? It doesn't ring a bell? Oh well. I guess these things happen.
Remember when Santino Marella walked to the ring really quickly, poked someone's neck, and did that dance when he won? Yeah, that was so awesome.
OPTIRIBAG: The Miz wins the United States Championship, but refuses to wear the belt because he thinks it's beneath him.
I'm not going to lie to you, Cagesiders. I would have bet my reputation that Beth Phoenix was honest to god hurt. The way she jumped off the apron, and the way just collapsed to the ground, screamed legitimate injury. But, apparently, I got fooled by some damn good acting. I still don't understand why, though, they felt the need to take the belt off of Beth and onto Nikki Bella. It just makes no sense to me. The idea is that Kharma will be re-debuting tonight after her long absence, and they want her to squash the weaker Bella as to set up a big match between her and Beth. Which...I guess? We'll just have to see what happens tonight.
UPDATE: joliemadchen posted this, which either proves she was actually hurt or is really good at makeup. So there's that.
OPTIRIBAG: Nikki retains due to twin magic, Kharma does not show up, and we get a report from Davey Meltzer about how things changed last minute.
So this thing took a turn no one was expecting. I'm not sure if Randy Orton pissed someone off backstage, or if Kane just really likes wrestling the oily, hairless "Apex Predator." But we have our second match between the two, something no one really wants. On top of that, this is a "falls count anywhere" match, not a no disqualification match. Yet they've been building up to it with hurting each other's fathers and brandishing lead pipes. Are they allowed to use weapons? I don't think they are, but this is the WWE and random stipulations get added all the time. Maybe this is the end of this, maybe this continues to Over the Limit. I just have no clue anymore.
OPTIRIBAG: Randy Orton, in the boiler room, with a lead pipe.
I thought that Cody Rhodes was going to lose the Intercontinental title to Big Show at WrestleMania 28, and then move on to bigger and better things. Then, I thought Rhodes would get his win back and continue being a solid mid-card heel holding the IC strap. And then, Cody Rhodes lost f*cking clean to f*cking The Great Khali on SmackDown last Friday (April 27, 2012). This whole thing has just epitomized WWE booking. A brilliant start and a brilliant character that has been held back by utter ineptitude. If he loses, he gets buried. If he wins, it looks weakened. This is just not how you should be handling the younger talent.
OPTIRIBAG: Cody Rhodes is defeated by The Big Show in a "loser leaves town" match so he can take time off to film The Marine 3.
This is the match that will finally prove me right or wrong. I've been a proponent of "18 Seconds" being the best thing to happen to Daniel Bryan since he entered the WWE. It made him a martyr, turned YES! into the new What?, and gave us a legitimate reason for this match stipulation. If this turns into a 10-minute match with Sheamus getting two quick falls, then I'll stop fighting the cries of "they're burying him!" But if this is a long, well fought, entertaining match where both men can play to their strengths and they both look good, then I want an apology from each and every one of you in my inbox (firstname.lastname@example.org) first thing in the morning. They will be republished in tomorrows Precap. Don't think I'm joking about this.
OPTIRIBAG: Sheamus wins the first pin via pinfall (Brogue Kick), Daniel Bryan wins the second via submission (YES! lock) and the third via disqualification (interference from AJ as she attacks Bryan).
Remember that one interview that CM Punk did criticizing all the fans for hating on the Chris Jericho feud before it even happened? And we all sat around and laughed at the smarks for being so smarky? And then we let the story play out, and we all released a collective "meh?" Chris Jericho's entire run has to be one of the most infuriating thing in the WWE today. He came back to so much fire, so much fanfare, so much anticipation, and it just died. For every good moment Punk and Jericho have had, there have been two crappy ones. Are you more excited about this match now than you were January 2nd? I'm tired of defending Y2J. These are two of the best workers, and this will be a damn good match. But I don't know how much further I want this to continue.
OPTIRIBAG: CM Punk tries to hit Chris Jericho with a bottle of Jack Daniels, but misses and smashes his sister instead.
Does anyone expect this to go down cleanly? Brock Lesnar can't lose, or his entire return is ruined. John Cena could lose, but then what would he do? It made perfect sense to lose clean to The Rock. Rocky was leaving, Cena needed to be taken down a peg, and they had a new storyline all set up. The addition of John Laurinaitis to this makes it look like Cena will soon turn his focus solely on him. But there needs to be some type of catalyst for it. On top of that, what was the last main event that had some shenanigans? That is a WWE staple, and it feels like they are overdue.
OPTIRIBAG: Lord Tensai, David Otunga, and John Laurinaitis all find a way into this match, with two of them receiving an FU and one an F5.
It's Geno's favorite gimmick birthday! The Be a STAR campaign has been in existence for one year, and it continues its effort to end bullying all over the world. As much as we make fun of it, there is something noble about the endeavor. Even if the irony and hypocrisy of the entire thing smash you in the head like a chair shot.
Hopefully this has helped get you prepared for the nights activities. Leave a comment about what you are looking forward to, make sure to follow the action @Cagesideseats, please join Geno, myself, and the whole Monday Night gang during the live blog here, and join us after the show for the Cageside Live podcast here.
The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Cageside Seats readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Cageside Seats editors or staff.