AJ hopes you had a good St. Patrick's Day. Photo via WWE.com.
The Precap runs a bit long this week, so make sure you're all settled in!
Cena! Rock! Marks! Smarks! Slobberknocks! 2 More Weeks!
I'm not going to lie to you, dear Cagesiders. John Cena coming out to "Basic Thuganomics" is my Hulk Hogan's "Real American." That is what I grew up with. That is what I remember when I think of childhood pro wrestling memories. He can do the same gimmick when he's 65, and I will still mark out. It is so completely dumb and goes against everything I believe in as an adult pro wrestling fan, but it is my guiltiest of pleasures.
That being said, I recognize that nothing new is being brought into this feud. Neither Cena nor The Rock said anything new last week. Yes, both were entertaining on their own. But it's the same story as it has been for the past month. Cena and Rocky are going to repeat the same insults, the fans are going to cheer and boo based on their prejudices, people will get butthurt over it, rinse, wash, repeat. I am exhausted, not necessarily of the feud itself, but how it cannot carry its own hype. Unless something drastic happens, I'm just going to continue counting down the days until WrestleMania 28.
The rest of the show after the jump.
Trips! Taker! Michaels! Even! More! Con! Fron! Tation!
I was watching last weeks Raw on DVR with my girlfriend (because if I have to watch Sex in the City and Kardashian re-runs, then she will watch pro wrestling and like it), and she was about ready to kill me by the time Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker were finished yapping. She understood the entire feud about 3 minutes in, and everything after that was overkill. This is a woman who has not seen pro wrestling since the late 90's, and even she could figure everything out. There is no reason for these guys to drag on. There is not a single person who needs this explained to them. Here, I'll write what should have happened:
The Undertaker: "I've never lost at WrestleMania, so you better not screw me over, Shawn."
Shawn Michaels: "Eh, maybe I will maybe I won't. Also, I don't understand the meaning of the world ‘ironic'"
Triple H: /crotch chop
Punk! Jericho! Alcoholism! Timing! WWE Championship!
And just like that, I am back to my losing streak with guessing what CM Punk and Chris Jericho will do. Every time this feud gets dull, they find a way to shake it up. Jericho calling out Punk for having a drunk as a father is absolutely brilliant writing. It develops Punk's character, shows Jericho to be a complete and total dick, and offsets the redundancy at the top of the WrestleMania 28 card. As someone with a family history of alcoholism and addiction, I am emotionally invested in a way not found on any other part of the show. I'm allowed to call my family a bunch of drunks. If someone else does? They're getting punched in the face. It is something that a lot of fans can relate to, and gives Punk motivation that he was sorely lacking. Punk and Jericho are the only two men I would trust with this story, and I do believe they will do it justice.
Eve! Ryder! Beth! Divas! Double the Hoeskis! Double the Fun!
This has turned into a weekly Degrassi segment, and I love it. Zack Ryder is a complete and utter tool, and yet he has Eve Torres and Beth Phoenix fighting over him. They are both using him, and he is completely ignorant to it. The only thing that could make this better if they wagered a Canadian dollar over who could get with him first. I may be the only person who enjoys this storyline, but I will love it enough for everybody.
Team Johnny! Team Teddy! Midcard! Last GM Standing!
The battle between John Laurinaitis and Teddy Long continues, as the talent chooses their side. Team Johnny has David Otunga, Mark Henry, and now Christian among its ranks. Team Teddy is made up of Santino Marella, R-Truth, and Kofi Kingston. Three men apiece still need to be added, which means the entire roster will likely be getting WrestleMania airtime. This is a brilliant way to get all the midcarders together in a storyline, and it furthers the authority angle without taking away from the overall show. As much as I would love to see "Mr. Excitement" deliver an Ace Crusherr to Teddy, this is much better in terms of exhibiting the talent.
Smackdown! On Raw!
Daniel Bryan has gone full blown asshole boyfriend on AJ, and it's a brilliantly done storyline. He buys he dress, but says it looks ugly on her. He gets her a Divas match, but criticizes how she fights. He is supportive when she wins, but completely overshadows her victory. My biggest hope is that somehow this angle and Eve/Ryder come crashing into each other. My biggest fear is that there will be no payoff, and AJ will be completely forgotten.
Smackdown! On Raw! Part Two!
Because I got my start writing on Cageside Seats by defending Kane, I'm going to try to give this storyline a little justice. Stealing from elementary school etiquette, I will say one thing that I hate about Kane and Randy Orton, but surrounded by two things that I enjoy. First, I enjoy that WWE Creative pulled something from 9 months ago as a reason for this feud. This is a group that is confused about week old details, and yet they somehow remembered this. It also greatly amuses me that both Kane and The Undertaker have rooms in their houses solely for watching and getting pissed about old matches. Do you think they talk about it with each other? That is a very brotherly thing to do.
One thing I hate is that Kane needs to learn to shut. The hell. Up. Short and sweet, Kane. Come on. Again, him and his brother just love to go on and on. Maybe if they tried listening more, they wouldn't be so angry all the time.
The second thing I enjoy is that Orton just does not seem to care. Maybe this is just the "smarky blogger reading way to much into things" in me, but he looks legitimately pissed to be involved in this whole thing. His entire promo consisted of, "I'm a dick already, so why is Kane attacking me?" and "Oh, thank you for telling me. Now let me kick your ass." And that is it. And it was awesome. Quiet Orton is the best Orton. I truly hope he gets back into the main event sooner rather than later.
Hopefully this has helped get you prepared for the nights activities. Leave a comment about what you are looking forward to, make sure to follow the action @Cagesideseats, please join Geno, myself, and the whole Monday Night gang during the live blog here, and join us after the show for still unnamed podcast right here.