(Given my rather controversial opinion on this subject, I thought it best to bring this back.)
Just when you thought it was safe to watch wrestling again, I come back with a vengeance! Shadowbird's back, bitches! And like the Dark Firebird I am, I have some serious burning to do. This time, I've got more than one target to shoot at, and my sights are lined up for a bullseye.
I bet there's hardly a one of you here that hasn't ever had a boss. Some bosses are good, some are bad. Some build up the business, and some run it right into the ground. Some make their employees better, and some just make them look worse. And of course, by now, you ought to know, Bird ain't talking about the former here! There are two men in the WWE who exemplify the latter to a T. And they're making things worse by focusing more on each other than fixing their flaws. Theodore Long, John Laurinaitis, listen up, boys. Shadowbird's gonna school you both.
You already know what my feelings are on Laurinaitis. Some people treat him like a classic B-movie, saying he's so bad, it's good. To which I say, "Oh, HELL no!" Johnny Ace is so full of himself, there ain't any room for Narm Charm! His bodyguard/assistant is a Hollywood pretty boy with an Ivy League degree who could get out-wrestled by the lesser Divas! And despite being the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations, the very guy who holds wrestlers' careers in his hands, this is not enough for him! No, he's gotta meddle in the minute-to-minute operations of Raw itself, and even that is still not enough. He wants to run Smackdown as well, because...why exactly? Is there any real reason besides his own ego and power-lust? Does he really think he can run Smackdown better, or does he think it'll make his Ace of Clubs longer? It's not really that clear, as all he know is he doesn't like Teddy. That might be enough for some people, but not for me. I don't do vague rationalizations.
Neither do I accept "I vaguely hate you because you hate me" as a justification, and that's what we got with the Original Playa, Teddy Long. Holla at this, Teddy: not only are you repetitive, you're a bit boring and old-hat, too. I admit, I used to like you, but with your petty side showing up as of late, you can't count me as being on your side anymore. You're just as bad a GM as Ace is, but unlike him, there is something you could fall back on. I hear tell you were a pretty good ref back in the day. Perhaps if you went back to that, we wouldn't have to hear you talk, and you can work all the tag matches you want, playa. Until then, I don't buy this vague beef you've got with Johnny-Boy, and I don't buy you being the Undisputed GM anymore than any of these fans could be me holding every singles title at once plus the tag straps.
So you're going to take up valuable space on the biggest show of the year, and valuable time on the shows leading up to Wrestlemania, just so you can claim the title of the One GM? When, exactly, did being the General Manager become more coveted of a title than the WWE or World Heavyweight Championships, exactly? When the duties were being done by a supposedly anonymous person, who was really an announcer with a superiority complex and an iPhone? "Hmm, do I want to be the top guy in this company and the most respected wrestler, or do I want to look like I'm doing something important while I'm sitting behind a desk or standing in front of it in my office?" You know what that is, boys? That's putting yourselves above the talent you supposedly represent! Last I checked, people don't buy tickets to Raw and Smackdown or lay money down for Pay-Per-Views just to see you two jackasses. No, they pay to see wrestlers like Chris Jericho, CM Punk, Dolph Ziggler, Broadus Clay, or hell, John-bloody-Cena! The last time anyone wanted to see an authority figure insert himself into things, it was with the knowledge that Vincent Kennedy McMahon was gonna get beat the frick down by a wrestler: Stone Cold Steve Austin. Unfortunately, we don't have the luxury of that satisfying conclusion in this, because you're not feuding against wrestlers; you're feuding against each other.
We could have matches on the Wrestlemania card that could be building up talent, but no, six Superstars are going to be stuck doing your dirty work. You are taking away valuable time from feuds that could be, and worse yet, feuds that already are. Sheamus and Daniel Bryan are taking a backseat to you, and they're feuding for the World Heavyweight Championship, a co-main event title! Even Jericho and Punk have had to sit back for a week in favor of your crap. I'm tired of it, and I cannot be the only one. This hasn't just gone on long enough, it's gone too far. For the sake of the WWE, the Superstars, and the WWE Universe, even if this goes on to the end, this should never happen again. You two are both acting unprofessional in persisting with this squabble, and I hope the insane thing happens and somehow you both lose. I'd rather take up General Managership myself than see either one of you run both shows. And just so you know what that means, I have little faith in my own management skills. Stew on that, boys. Bird is out.