Tonight is the night, Cagesiders. It is the day you have all been looking forward to. You have waited with bated breath, hands shaking like an addict looking for his fix. It has been gone for so long, it feels like a distant memory. You have forgotten how important it was in your life, and how lonely you are without it.
But do not fear, my friends. Like a longing prayer to the heavens, your faith has been rewarded. What seemed like the faintest of hopes has become the truest of realities. It has been gone for what must feel like years. But now it has returned, and it promises never to leave again.
That's right, folks. It is the triumphant return of the Precap!
Oh, and some guy named The Rock is back. I guess you could consider that a big deal, as well.
Cena! Rock! Team Bring it! Team it's already been brought!
I am trying as hard as I possibly can to enjoy the next five weeks. John Cena actually cut a decent promo last week, mixing in some possible shoot comments into the overall feud. Cena is a man who has risen to the top of the WWE in one of the toughest eras in pro wrestling history. Popularity has been receding since the Attitude Era. The mass exodus from the main event as led to the lack of stars to rebuild. Cena has to go it alone at the top. Everything that is wrong with the WWE, perceived or real, is his fault. The PG era? Blame it on John. The lack of interesting characters? Blame it on John. The failure to bring exciting angles to a legitimate and satisfying close? Blame it on John. Cena takes the brunt of all of our hate, and yet he stays in there and absorbs it all.
The Rock, on the other hand, can just come waltzing back into the ring any time he chooses. Got a crappy movie to shoot? Oh sure, take your time. Don't feel like working the house show schedule? Nah, that's beneath you, Dwayne. You're too big for that type of stuff. Strut in the week before a pay-per-view (PPV), flash your million dollar smile, say a few catchphrases, and collect your pay check. We'll love you more than anything.
This is a bad relationship, people. We have a beautiful girlfriend right here. Yeah, they're a little corny, and yes, they only have five moves that they do over and over in the
bedroom ring. But they try their hardest, and they really are good for us. So stop pining over that sexy ex. Yeah, their body is rocking. And they always know what to say. But they have left, and no matter what they tell you they are not coming back.
Crap ... I just talked myself into siding with Cena.
The rest of the show after the jump.
Punk! Jericho! WWE Championship!
Chris Jericho won a 10-man battle royal last week, earning the right to face CM Punk at WrestleMania 28 for the WWE Championship. Wahoo. There is no chance in hell that the WWE can screw up this feud, but they are trying their hardest. Jericho went from having the most anticipated debut to generic heel in less time than a Brodus Clay match. CM Punk, though, is coming off of an amazing match with Daniel Bryan from last weeks (Feb. 21) live Smackdown, and has slowly been reverting to the Punk of old. These are two men who can talk and wrestle with the best of them. This will be great, once the WWE stops stepping on their own feet.
Trips! Taker! Hell! In a! Cell!
This is your Rorschach test, WWE fans. The faceoff between Triple H and the Undertaker last week was actually really good. Unnecessarily long, yes, but that is how "The Game" works. They set up the feud beautifully, revealed the stakes for both men, and let the rivalry lead to its natural conclusion. If you think of the greatest Hell in a Cell matches, chances are Triple H or the Undertaker were one of the participants. Triple H vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania 27 (Apr. 3, 2011) was a pretty solid match, although a bit slow. Trips' last in ring work was against Kevin Nash at TLC (Dec. 18, 2011), a surprisingly good match overall, but again a bit slow. What can we expect for WrestleMania 28? A good, solid match done at a slow pace. If you are vehemently opposed to this happening, it is for other reasons than the actual match.
Eve! Ryder! Kane? Hoeski with the most-ski!
Eve Torres and Zack Ryder had a back and forth over the past week on their respective facebook pages. And they were awesome. Eve also had a good promo that I don't believe actually aired on Smackdown. It was also awesome. It was very high school theatre monologue, but I enjoy that. The original feud was unbelievably campy, and that is why it was great. We all have said our piece about Cena's actions, whether what he did was right or wrong, moral or unmoral, justified or unjustifiable. If we want to put what happened in a purely kayfabe environment, though, it completely broke the story. Cena took what was fun and over the top, and made it dirty. He took a great feud between Zack Ryder and Eve, sucked up all the fun, and walked away. He contributed nothing to the story, built no one up but himself, made both Eve and Ryder look weak, and destroyed his own character in the process. Even in this Precap he butts in. What a jerk. Hopefully this continues in a fun way. Eve could be an excellent heel if WWE lets her do her thing.
Johnny Ace! Teddy Long! One GM to rule them all!
John Laurinaitis is the greatest, isn't he? The character, the ring work, the idiosyncrasies of his actions, it's all there. He just knows how to be a pro wrestling character. From his twitter, "Muling rematch for @CMPunk & @WWEDanielBryan on #Raw." Yes, it will have a crazy finish. But that is why it's on Raw and not on a PPV. I can only hope this happens. This feud between him and Teddy Long is absolutely brilliant. This is what the walkout should have been. The brand split era is over, and yet they're keeping the rivalry going. I don't know where exactly this will go, but I promise to enjoy every minute of it.
"I don't always agree with @CMPunk. But when I do, it's probably about @chrisbrown."
Give this man a raise, WWE, and don't you dare ever take him away from me.
Hopefully this has helped get you prepared for the nights activities. Leave a comment about what you are looking forward to, make sure to follow the action @Cagesideseats and please join Geno, myself, and the whole Monday Night gang during the live blog here.