WWE Saturday Morning Slam returned yesterday morning (Dec. 29) to give us their last television show for the kiddies before the end of 2012 with another "Best Of Show". The usual two bouts of action were packed into this week's taped edition of their sports sitcom. This week, we had the Slam debut of ten-time world champion John Cena, in the Slam Main Attraction, as he agreed to give Health Slater a shot at him last week on Miz TV.
Alrighty then, let's move into some action, and results and reactions, and find out what you may have missed if you slept in, or you know, did something else other than watching this week's show. This week I am gonna do a little more in depth look at the show, just for shits and giggles:
- Daniel Bryan vs Tyson Kidd kicks off the show. Santino on commentary is explaining the "yes, no, yes, no cycle" and how it is a self-fulfilling prophecy, as the more the crowd chants, "YES!", the more it makes Bryan cry, "NO!" (By now, I think even the kids get it though, Santino.) He then enjoys mocking Bryan with the crowd by yes-chanting emphatically, arms up and all... wait, what? Who is that?
- Brad Maddox is in the ring! In his ref gear!??! WTF? I guess all is forgiven amongst the refs and the folks who manage the officiating now think he is trustworthy to ref matches again? Has this been a thing and I have missed it while working?
- Side Note: WWE had virtually limitless angles they could have gone with Maddox since day one - none of them would have been nearly as worthless as what they have been doing with him lately.
- Maddox is doing nothing but looking confrazzled (and cute), meanwhile Santino is exclaiming "Kidd's hold on Bryan's throat is not legal", nor is that "bonk on the head!" Bryan leaves the ring screaming, "That is it, I am out of here!" Just then, Kane's pyro and music hits... Kane blocks Bryan's exit, and he jumps back in the ring to finish the match.
- Today's word appears to be equilibrium... why? Bryan puts Kidd in a helicopter -- or er umm is it an -- airplane spin, (Geno always teases me, as I can never remember the names of the moves). Anyway, he keeps spinning him for count 'em, not five, ten, or even for 15 seconds, but for 37 seconds straight!!! (I counted and got dizzy myself). Finally, both out of them wobble and fall completely off balance, Maddox even looking dizzy (oh wait, that is his normal look these days, nevermind). Flash over to Kane appearing perplexed by all the dizziness in ring. Then Bryan fails at a kick, due to his loss of equilibrium, (commentary says the word like ten times). Kidd goes for the pin but Bryan kicks out at 2.
- Haha, the joy of the kid's show: Bryan then just sits down in front of Kidd while he's running the ropes and promptly curls himself up into a human-ball. Kidd tries to roll him around the ring, but cannot find a way to get his shoulders flat to pin him, he and Maddox exchange looks of bewilderment at the situation, Bryan then takes this moment to stretch his hand out and when Kidd grabs for it, he flips him and pins his shoulders for the win.
- Kane watches on, climbs in the ring, takes the belt from Maddox, holds them both up from the ropes... Santino explains how silly it is to each claim to be the champion when they are a part of a team. (Meanwhile, I weep for the children of America who apparently have to have this spelled out for them.)
- Bryan now jumping up and down, flailing about wildly, trying to grab one of the belts from Kane, while Santino explains that his relative has a goat and they can jump really well, so why can't Bryan? (har har har, actually, I have to admit, I laughed, Santino may be dopey, but he is money.) Then we have Bryan moping, looking like maybe a hug is in need, until Kane hands him a belt out of pity and Bryan then smiling, starts in with the "I am the tag team champions schpeal" then we get the typical back and forth as we go to break. (I could live without any more of that shit in 2013.)
- A short but sweet backstage moment with D-Bry is up next for the Saturday Morning Spotlight, featuring a 'Q and A' session:
Q: Have you ever made a mistake? A: (calmly and quietly) No, I never make mistakes.
Q: Do you know the taste of defeat? A: (less calm) No, I win every match. (with hesitation) Even when I lose?!?
Q: Do you love ice cream? A: (calmy) Yes, I love ice cream, especially ice cream made with Almond Milk! (aww, me too D-Bry!!!)
Q: Do you want a tag team partner? A: No. I can do everything by myself! (Said just like a little kid - his biggest non-smark fanbase)
Q: Do you like goats? A: Do I like GOATS?!? No. No! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! (shouts fade as he is now down the corridor) ... the goat thing needs to die this year, seriously. (WWE, are you listening? I speak for the voice of the voice of the voice of the voiceless on this.)
- Promo package on Cena and how he will always be the champ, blah blah blah... we get the video highlights all about "Hustle"... "Loyalty"... and "Respect"... AGAIN... then 3MB makes their entrance, and the crowd could care less, even giving them the thumbs down. I am talking zero reaction, as if they were promised free swag if they no sold their entrance... followed by a MASSIVE pop for Cena (which still shocks me to see just how over he appears to be in the crowds -- people of all ages and genders just losing it with excitement for this dude, as if he were HBK or someone actually worth getting worked up over -- one can only surmise that the camera crew does an excellent job not showing any of the fans who are truly unimpressed by him, I guess.) All the Cena chants piss off Slater and they clinch...
- McIntyre and Mahal try to distract Cena with antics outside the ring. Meanwhile, Booker T is putting me back to sleep on commentary, way too much banter, not enough coverage of the match. 3MB huddles outside the ring, Slater says he is "getting his hind end kicked", they make a game plan, the ref tries the weakest attempt in history to keep 3MB from all entering the ring, they toss Cena and then they air guitar over him for a DQ, ref ejects Jinder and Drew from the arena, Slater tosses Cena out of the ring, cut to a Miz promo on "don't do this at home"...
- We are back and Slater goes to cover Cena, he kicks out on 2, Slater clutching Cena's chest with his legs, and let me point out: Cena could not sell water to a man in the middle of Death Valley, he could not sell matches and some sticks to an Eskimo, he could not sell a life raft to a Titanic victim, you get what I am saying, right? But, get this... this crowd is chanting for him, CE-NA, CE-NA, CE-NA! (I mean, they are literally on their feet and screaming his name. Seriously, I shit you not.)
- Slater continues to let Cena no sell his leg lock (or whatever it is called), Cena pries his legs apart pretending it took Superman strength to do so, tosses Slater about a few times like a rag doll, (Slater can sell) Cena gives him the "can't see me", drops the old "five-knuckle shuffle", follows it up by "the attitude adjustment" for a formality of a victory. (ha, surprised ya there, I knew the names of a few of those moves, guys!) Cena celebrates relentlessly in the ring as we are out.
Like Nolan did, I dig the Saturday morning wrestling with fun segments and lighthearted commentary, even if just for the ridiculousness of it all and the fun the folks involved appear to be having. Plus, any show with an appearance from Beefy Brad Maddox, even if disappointing as usual, is still a good show.
"B-" grade this week for Saturday Morning Slam. If nothing else, it was fun to make fun of. No plus on the grade because Maddox as a lousy ref does not earn the grade the Show Off got last week with extra credit in my book.
How did you Cagesiders grade it? Am I being too kind here?