Michael N. Todaro
When you're flying through the air -- butt first -- remember to stick the landing. Your tables will thank you. Otherwise, you may have to get up and do it again.
Welcome to another edition of "Slapstick Saturday," Cagesiders, where your old pal Hulk Holland pokes fun at every botch, blooper and bomb the world of professional wrestling has ever given us.
What are we bringing to the table this week?
Back when I was an unsprouted hayseed, I would get dragged along with my dad when he decided to shoot guns with his battle buddies from 'Nam. You know, the kind of veterans who used post-traumatic stress disorder as an excuse to become alcoholics.
Because what's the point of having a six-pack if you don't have a 12-gauge to open it? (Aim high Tommy! Aim high!)
Anyway, one of pop's good ol' boys was facing a work tribunal and from what I recall, he had to pass a piss test to continue working. But what if he got hurt on the job and had to go on disability before they ever had a chance to nail him for weed?
That folks, is an airtight plan.
So big Mike decides he's going to throw himself down the back stairs on the way to his utility truck on Monday morning, no doubt breaking an ankle in the process. A few sips of grandpa's old cough medicine and it's stop, drop and roll, Aunt Bunny style, to the hard concrete below.
Here's the punchline.
Mike hits the pavement and gets his bell rung, but escapes any serious injury. Nothing broken. It's almost as if the booze turned him into a crash test dummy with a bad mustache and halitosis. He looked up at the defiant staircase and thought to himself, "My god, I can't believe I have to do that again."
That must be how John Morrison felt.
The former Tough Enough star was working a tables match against WWE head honcho Triple H, of all people, and he was scripted to lose by (duh) getting thrown through a table. From the top turnbuckle, no less. Too bad the table didn't get the memo.
Here's what viewers saw:
Here's what really happened:
Click here to see it because the owner of the clip has disabled embedding.
SmackDown! is pre-recorded, so wrestlers are afforded a mulligan when spots don't turn out the way they are intended. Even if someone like Morrison lands awkwardly -- and painfully -- on a table before tumbling on his ass at full speed.
And it's not like you can say no to "The Game."