Due to the reception 7 Tenets received, I decided to make my presence here at Cageside somewhat consistent. I want to write in a way that hasn't really been done before, a different voice then what you are used to hearing. This will be one of (hopefully) many features here on Cageside.
There are a thousand recaps about wrestling online so this will be a bit different. Instead of recapping a show, I will be precapping it. We'll look at what will likely happen tonight, what plots will move forward, what questions could be answered, and what crazy shenanigans we might see. It is important to go into a show with the best possible attitude, and it is my job to get you prepared. Consider this a cheat sheet for your Monday night test.
The End of "It Begins."
Tonight (Jan. 2, 2012) is the night of the big reveal. There have been a lot of words spilled about who the mystery man is. Is it Chris Jericho (probably)? Or maybe Undertaker (possibly)? Could it be Stephanie McMahon (extremely unlikely)? Perhaps Sting (NO! How many times do we have to say this -- IT WILL NEVER BE STING!)? How about Brock Lesnar (NO IT WILL NOT BE LESNAR!!!)? We guessed and pondered, debated and argued. There are some who are adamant about their opinions, and will refuse to believe otherwise. People on all sides are 100-percent sure they are correct. And that is the beauty of the mystery promo. It is the WWE version of Schrodinger's cat. The answer is always yes.
At least till we open the box.
R-Truth spoke some of the truest words last Monday. "That's the problem with Christmas. You open all your presents, and it's OVER!" It's his insane way of saying you can't have your cake and eat it, too. Once you eat it, you no longer possess it. Once the mystery person is revealed, we no longer have the joy of anticipation. Maybe it will be who we want, like that awesome new video game we've been dying to play. Or maybe it'll be someone we rather not see, like the obligatory Christmas socks. Either way, appreciate the buildup to the moment. If you always worry about the ending, you're going to miss the journey. And you have to give WWE credit where it's due. This has been one of the more interesting journeys they've taken us on.
The rest of the show after the jump.
John Cena! Kane! Morals!
We'll most likely get some follow up to last weeks lovely promo. The speech Kane delivered was sorely lacking, but we'll be hit so many times with the edited video replay that we'll only remember the important parts. Which are:
All caught up? Good. This can honestly be one of the more exciting angles Cena, along with the WWE as a whole, has been involved in. It's a great storytelling narrative. You can do a lot worse than copying Star Wars. Cena is a young Luke, and Kane is Emperor Palpatine. That would make The Rock Darth Vader, which makes sense. He was a baby face as Rocky, but let his anger consume him and became The Most Electrifying Man in ALL of Sports Entertainment by using the Dark Side. Now Cena/Luke must prove themselves against the older and evil Rock/Vader. We can make Punk Han Solo, cause he's awesome. Or is Triple H Han? If so, that means Kevin Nash is Chewbacca. And...does that make Roddy Piper Yoda? Extra credit to the fist Cagesider who can diagram this for me.
Punk! Ziggler! Johnny Ace! WWE Championship!
Part of me wants to shame the WWE for not making their named title the central part of the show. The other part understands that would mean putting the strap back on Cena. CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler will be a damn good match on free television, so make sure you enjoy it. I know what you're thinking: "Surely there will be some heavy booking involving the greatest Interim General Manager of Raw ever, right?" Of course there will be, and don't call me Shirley. Expect this match to be a major talking point for the next week.
Ryder! Eve! Romance! Kinda!
There was a little worry about WWE pulling Zack Ryder out of the main event and sticking him in this weird thing with Eve. The thing is, though, he's not a main event player. He is a sideshow attraction who got enough fanfare for some silver around his waist. This isn't him falling down to Earth, this is regression to the mean. He was completely uncomfortable standing in between Punk and Daniel Bryan. Let him do some silly little bits and have fun with his U.S. Title run. That is where he shines.
Miz! Truth! Ass-Whuppins!
I love R-Truth. He is just absolutely amazing at what he does, and he doesn't even look like he's trying. Awesome Truth worked so well together because it allowed Miz to calm down a little and not try to control every facial muscle he has. Hopefully this feud does one of two things. It allows Miz a chance to show his true potential without this need to make things so damn obvious. Or two, it shows how damn Truth is and moves him up the ladder. With Alberto Del Rio hurt, look for one of these two to fill his place.
Smackdown! On Raw!
Yes, I am aware that wrestlers are allowed on both shows now. But I'm a child of the brand split era. If you have two top titles and everyone is affiliated with a roster, then the storylines should be self contained. It's like the Avengers and X-Men. Both are Marvel and there is the occasional crossover, but they mostly keep to themselves (For the record, Raw is Avengers, Cena is Captain America, Smackdown is X-Men, Mark Henry is the Juggernaut, and Teddy Long is....Professor Xavier? I might have to rethink this). Look for Cody Rhodes to be amazing, Booker T to be old, Wade Barrett to be English, Big Show to be surprisingly good, Bryan to be champion (for now) and Henry to be pimp-struttin' all over the place.
Air Boom! Beth Phoenix! Tag Team! Divas!
There will probably be a tag team match. There will also probably be a Divas match. The three of them should just make a stable called "Two Pennies and a Butterfly," have a six-man mixed tag team match, and kill two birds with one stone.
Hopefully this has gotten you prepared for the nights activities. Leave a comment about what you are looking forward to, make sure to follow the action @Cagesideseats and please join Geno, myself, and the whole Monday Night gang during the live blog here.
The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Cageside Seats readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Cageside Seats editors or staff.