WWE: Rejected Brodus Clay gimmicks

The Funkassaurs from Planet Funk, Brodus Clay, gloriously entered our lives on last week's Raw (Jan. 9, 2012) and I, for one, never want him to leave.

The Johnny Ace phone call was one of the best running gags the WWE has had in a long time, but the payoff was absolute excellence. The funny thing, though, is that this was not the only option WWE Creative was looking at.

We all know how Mark Henry was given Brodus' "Hall of Pain" idea. But did you know that Clay actually had thought up plenty of other gimmicks, as well? Luckily for you, Cagesiders, I happen to have an inside source who has emailed me a record of those that were rejected for a variety of reasons.

The complete list follows after the jump.

Baby Brodus Clay

Brodus would come out in a diaper, binky, and a heavy metal version of "Rock-a-bye baby" Whenever he would start to lose a match, Brodus would throw a "temper tantrum," no sell any of his opponent's offense and, following his victory, would coo and drool in the middle of the ring.

Clown Brodus Clay

Brodus dresses in full clown costume, complete with face makeup, rainbow afro wig, a big red nose, and comically large wrestling boots. His intro music would be a rock version of "Entrance of the Gladiators." Brodus would be involved in long feud with John Cena, as the only thing that matches children's love of Cena is their hatred of clowns.

Fatman

Brodus wears an adjusted Batman costume, taking into account his size and potential lawsuits. His intro music would be an altered version of the Batman theme, because Vince would rather die in an exploding limo for real then pay the royalties. Could possibly add The Miz as the sidekick Robin Duckboy.

Mime Brodus Clay

Brodus would wear full mime costume, including striped shirt and white face. He would have absolutely no intro music, and simply walks down to the ring in complete silence. His finisher would be a Bronco buster called "Trapped in a Box." He would never speak, and not say a word during promos. Chris Jericho will go on a Twitter rant about how Brodus is stealing his gimmick.

Elvis Clay

This would not be the King of Rock and Roll Elvis, but the bloated and drug addicted version who stopped giving a sh*t about his work years ago. For a sample of how his matches would go, see here.

Brodus "Amadeus" Clay

Brodus wears authentic late 18th Century clothing, including ruffled shirts, breeches, and powdered wig. His entrance would be an edited version of Don Giovanni's Commandator Scene. This character would be Peter Shaffer's Amadeus, acting like an ungrateful idiot, but is favored by John Laurinaitis. Curt Hawkins could possibly play Antonio Salieri.

American Revolutionary Brodus Clay

A similar costume to Amadeus Clay, but with the addition of a tri corner hat, blue jacket. His intro music would be the marching drums. Brodus would carry a musket to the ring with him, and for some reason insist on calling Kane a "lobster back." Any potential heel turn will have the visual addition of a red coat.

Brodus Gaga

Every week Brodus would enter with a different outrageous costume. One week it could be meat tights, the next he would be covered with fake bubbles, and another week he could be dressed from head to toe with lace. His actual matches would suck even though he is an amazing wrestler as some sort of meta protest about how the media objectifies artists and only focuses on the superfluous.

Brodius Claydian

Brodus would wear full gladiator armor, and will enter with the sounds of lions' roars and trumpets. Because the WWE is in the PG era, though, he cannot have one of the cool weapons. Instead he is stuck with the stupid net. Yeah, he has a trident and that's kind of cool. But how badass can you look with a net? Also, Brodius would do the same entrance as CM Punk where he kneels down and drags his hands through the "sand" at the top of the ramp. No one will know that Punk actually took it from the gladiators though, so they will all think Brodius is the one who is ripping off Punk.

Brodus Grimace

Brodus would wear all purple and carry a cheeseburger to the ring with him. He'll start off as a heel, but randomly switch to face and no one will remember him being a bad guy. Brodus Grimace is not the best wrestler, but his clumsiness would end up working in his favor. Could potentially join a stable with Ronald and the Hamburglar.

Hippie Brodus Clay from the Planet of Love

Basically the exact same thing as Funkasaurus, but a decade earlier. His flowing blond locks would fly in the wind as he frolics down the ramp. Two hippie beauties toss flowers into the crowd as they skip by his side. Hippie Brodus is generally non-violent, but when pushed in the ring he will react quickly and violently. Following the vicious beat down he delivers onto his opponents, Hippie Brodus goes back to his loving and peaceful ways.

The McDonald Blueblood

Brodus would join a friendship of prominent behind the scene players, have his buddies book him to look great, become roided up, marry into the chairman's family, bury young talent as he takes ownership of every Championship belt, and finally have some decent matches that only look great by lowered expectations.