WWE TLC results: John Cena was nowhere to be found and Kim Jong-il is dead ... coincidence?

Tonight's TLC pay-per-view (PPV) didn't only go off without a hitch, it was one of the best shows in recent memory.

Zack Ryder finally made good on the Internet groundswell and beat Dolph Ziggler for the United States Championship, Daniel Bryan cashed in his Money in the Bank briefcase and usurped newly crowned champ Big Show to become the newest World Heavyweight Champion and CM Punk retained his WWE Championship, fending off Alberto Del Rio and The Miz in the company's first three-way TLC Match for the title.

But a certain superstar was mysteriously absent from the event.

Where was John Cena?

I figured that maybe he was staying at home and taking the night off. He is, after all, one of the hardest workers the WWE has under their employ what with being at every PPV, Raw, and house show in order to rake in the dollars.

Then, during the TLC telecast, I caught wind from major news sources that North Korean dictator and sunglasses aficionado Kim Jong-il had died this weekend.

John Cena missing in action during the last PPV of the year ... United States political enemy Jong-il dead ...

I'm not one for conspiracy theories and it's certainly a longshot for a wrestler with no military background beyond playing make believe in the movies to have anything to do with this but ... has "The Marine" struck again?

Nevermind that. You know what? I'm just delirious from the fact that CM Punk and Daniel Bryan are atop the WWE mountain.