Countdown to High Noon: Interview with Chikara Pro's Archibald Peck

So WWE has seemingly screwed the pooch on the hottest angle in years and TNA -- while making some moves that would indicate it might shape up -- still has a long way to go before gaining back all the goodwill it lost.

So what is a wrestling fan to do?

One word: Chikara.

The Philly-based promotion has been carving their own particular -- and often hilarious -- niche in the wrestling world for almost a decade now and on Nov. 13, they take the next step: internet pay-per-view (iPPV).

This will be the first chance that fans across the country will be able to watch Chikara action live in their homes. You can catch the show thanks to our friends over at GFL.tv on your computer, Roku, or any other eligible device.

As we count the days down to High Noon, we'll be bringing you guys interviews from some of the promotion's brightest stars. Up first, Archibald Peck.

But first, a few videos so that you can familiarize yourself with this... unique individual.

Cageside Seats: Okay, let's get to the bottom of this: how old are you really?

Archibald Peck: Eleven-and-a-half.

You seem much older.

At this point, Barrister R.D. Evans, Peck's attorney who Peck had demanded be present for the interview, interjected with the following

Barrister R.D. Evans: Excuse me?  What, pray tell, does an eleven-and-a-half-year-old look like?  Are you implying that all eleven-and-a-half-year-olds look the same?  That sounds like agesim to me, mister.  I suggest you abandon this line of questioning.

Okay, okay, we'll move on. Regardless of how old you are, you took part in CHIKARA's ninth Young Lions Cup recently. You lost in the semi-finals to eventual champion Tadasuke. Do you feel better knowing that you lost to the wrestler who would end up winning it all?

Oooh, yeees!  Of course.  Because that's what being a professional wrestler is all about.  Laying your head down on the pillow at night and knowing that, even if you didn't win, you tried your darnedest.  Wrestling's not about wins and losses or competition.  It's all about having fun, right?  No!  I don't know what kind of Pee Wee, bush league wastrels you've been speaking to but I am Archibald Cornelius Peck!  I didn't rise to the top of the cutthroat world of competitive marching by telling myself that it was okay to lose as long as I lost to the winner!  What kind of rationale is that?  Losing is losing! 

Well, do you think you could have performed better if the event had gone on according to plan as opposed to being condensed to one night? [Editor's note: The previously planned two-night event was shorted to one due to Hurricane Irene]

Make no mistake, I performed magnificently.  But this so-called "tropical storm" is curious, isn't it?  My Sports Almanac from the future said nothing about it.  How was I to have seen it coming?  I suspect some sort of disruption to the space-time continuum and I think I know the nefarious hand behind it...

Wasn't it a bit... underhanded to force yourself into the YLC through legal threats? 

Peck's legal counsel once again interjected himself.

Evans: That's what I would expect a bully to say.  The big-wigs and fat cats who make their dirty money off the backs of the common working man would love for legal recourse to just be thrown out the window, wouldn't they?  Let's just go back the Middle Ages, why don't we?  Please, O Wise One, regale us with the forgotten virtues of indentured servitude!

Let's move on then. How'd you make the transition from marching band enthusiast to professional wrestler?

The details of my life are quite inconsequential.

Oh no, please, let's hear about it. The readers at Cageside might be interested in hearing this.

Very well – where do I begin?  My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery.  My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloé with webbed feet.  My father would womanize, he would drink.  He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark.  Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy – the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.  My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons.  In the Spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds… pretty standard really.  At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe.  At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically –

I'm relatively sure that's from Austin Powers. I think that’s Dr. Evil’s story – not yours.

Oh, I’m sorry.  I thought that’s what you asked for.

[Sighs] So what's next for you, Marchie Archie?  Can we expect you at the "High Noon" iPPV?

You can expect nothing.  Archibald Peck is an enigmatic instrumentalist whose steps can be neither anticipated nor traced.  That said, whenever the Sun is high in the sky and a showdown in imminent, CHIKARA has only one true gunslinger.  Gary Cooper himself wouldn’t dare stand across town square from me.

Anything else you'd like to say to our readers at Cageside Seats?

Hi, Veronica!  Look – I’m on the interweb!

For more information on Chikara's iPPV debut, check out this video straight from the horse's mouth!