A word I'm extremely familiar with.
I've gone a couple of months without it. My life has been fine. Then one day, I find myself reading about it. Shortly after that, i'm noticing it more on TV, even when i go onto the computer it somehow pops up. The next thing I know, i'm using again
People tell me to break the habit. It's not that simple though. I've been using since I was young. Some say it promoted an unhealthy lifestyle, and that i'd be "violent" when i grew up, but i think i turned out pretty fine.
There was a point in my life where i was using 2 - 3 times a week, and if i was lucky 4 or 5. I usually found the stuff on Mondays and Thursdays, but if i looked really hard, i could find it on other days.
I usually had to get the stuff from different gangs, each giving me different variations of the same stuff. I loved each and every one of their products, so i chose to buy from them all equally rather than pick favorites. Hell, some of the gangs spoke a different language than i did, but they knew exactly what i wanted, and i always left satisfied.
There was an 8 - 10 year period of my life where i couldn't get enough of the stuff. I knew everything about it, from the lingo that the hardcore users spoke, to the name of up and coming dealers who weren't selling enough to make it on the big stage yet. I was lucky enough to grow up with the same dealers that some of my older relatives grew up with, so i made sure to learn everything about them as well as the new ones.
I still use to this very day, although not as much as i used to. I was clean for a while, not by choice, but as usual i kept falling back into it.
I never wanted to get clean. I'll be an addict for life, no matter how hard i try.
What's my drug of choice you ask?
And trust me, I'm not the only one doing it.