Kane and Paul Bearer stand triumphant after vanquishing The Undertaker once more. (Photo via WWE.com)
- U.S. Champion Daniel Bryan defeated The Miz and John Morrison to retain the U.S. Title in a Submissions Count Anywhere match after forcing The Miz to tap out to the LeBell Lock on the entrance ramp
- WWE Champion Randy Orton defeated Sheamus after an RKO on the steel ring steps to retain the WWE Title in a Hell in a Cell match
- Edge defeated Jack Swagger via SPEAR in a match made by the Anonymous RAW GM
- Wade Barrett defeated John Cena after "fans" jumped the rail and aided Barrett. Cena is now a member of Nexus.
- Natalya defeated Unified Women's Champion Michelle McCool via disqualification after Layla threw her shoe at Nattie. Seriously.
- World Heavyweight Champion Kane defeated The Undertaker to retain the title after Paul Bearer gave his son the Urn.
- CATTLE MUTILATION~! - Need I say more?
- Edge/Alberto Del Rio/Jack Swagger - I usually hate when promos are put on pay-per-views as these are the events that we actually get to see professional wrestling as opposed to the four minute crash TV segments that RAW and Smackdown are known for. All three guys are good on the microphone and it helped advance all three wrestler's interweaving storylines. I am glad that Jack Swagger had the foresight to come to the ring wearing his actual wrestling hear. With only five matches announced on the card beforehand I figured they would add something during the course of the show. The actual match that spawned from the segment was actually a pretty standard back-and-forth affair that would've really been helped along by a crowd that was actually alive and breathing. Swagger countering the Spear with the Gutwrench Powerbomb was pretty sweet even though Edge stopped short to help Jack pick him up. Swagger got a ton of offense in but in the end the right man went over.
More thoughts and analysis after the jump!
- Wade Barrett vs. John Cena - I must say that the big man from England impressed me tonight. While the rest of The Nexus are nothing special (besides maybe Justin Gabriel) Barrett is truly the total package. He held his own with SUPERCENA and did it with more than the typical WWE Main Event PUNCHES N KICKS!!!~!!! The match itself was extremely intense and it had me, a pretty jaded pro wrasslin' fan, on the edge of my seat. Cena showed used few more than his usual Five Moves of Doom~! and genuinely held up his end of the bargain. Wade Barrett was bestowed one of the greatest honors of all in the WWE Universe as he kicked out of the Attitude Adjustment...something that just doesn't happen very much. Just when we thought that The Nexus was over and done with the writing team has extended their time on life support. I'm truly interested to see where this goes. Will Cena play the reluctant henchman who goes out of his way to undermine his masters? Or will he slowly start to turn heel, something we've wanted to see for a long, long time now? Wrestling is suddenly intriguing again.
- U.S. Champion Daniel Bryan v. John Morrison v. The Miz - The actual wrestling wasn't too bad but the execution was really, really weird. The had about four different parkour spots built into the match to really stuff it down our throat that John Morrison is an EXTREME~! athlete but in the end what was the point? This is the second time they have wasted a Morrison dive from the Titantron (the first being against Sheamus on RAW a few weeks back). That move should be treated as MDK (murder death kill for those of you who didn't see Demolition Man) but all three competitors were up and functioning pretty quickly. It was cool to see all three guys bust out some submissions we haven't seen in a while (I'm looking at you, Texas Cloverleaf!) but this match ultimately fell into the predictable Triple Threat pattern: guy one does something to guy two and guy three comes in to break it up at the last second. An elimination match minus the ridiculous stipulation probably would've been a better way to have these three work. Really underwhelming opener.
- WWE Champion Randy Orton v. Sheamus - At first I kind of liked this match but as I sat and thought about it I realized that it sucked terribly. Sure, there were some cool spots and all but really this match was no different than their SummerSlam encounter and I hated that. These two both work such a slow and deliberate style that it is kind of tough to get into the match when they work each other. Once the two got going it was pretty okay but, honestly, this match had no business being contested in the Cell. There was nothing really epic about it other than Orton's powerslam onto the steep steps (EPICALLY AWESOME!) and Sheamus backbreaker onto the steps (EPICALLY STUPID!). THey pretty much beat the crap out of each other and then Randy hit a Stone Cold Stun...I mean RKO and won the match. Also, what was Randy thinking climbing to the top of the Cell post match? To quote one Mr. Randy Orton, "STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID!"
- Michelle McCool vs. Natalya - Awful. The only good part of this match was the reaction to Layla throwing her show as Natalya, "Honestly, who throws a shoe?" Great reference!
- World Heavyweight Champion Kane vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer - I think I have finally seen the light. For the longest time I found myself entertained and genuinely enthused for this feud to happen. They theory behind it was and still is awesome. The practice has been downright atrocious, however. This match, much like Sheamus and Orton's tilt, did nothing to enhance the mystique and aura of Hell In A Cell. They pretty much worked their standard match except this time it was in a cage~! No brutal bumps (not that either one of them is in good enough shape to do anything too dangerous, but still it's the principle of the thing) and no real excitement. The supernatural stuff was pretty lame as was Paul Bearer SHINING A FLASHLIGHT IN THE FACE OF THE UNDERTAKER! Seriously...once I saw Bearer was wearing a red tie I knew he was going to turn on Undertaker. And I was okay with it because, in theory, that idea was awesome. The way the WWE carried it out was God awful. I'm completely off this feud's bandwagon. The only redeeming part about tonight's result is that we are going to be treated to more sweet vignettes from the wonderful WWE production team.
- Charles Robinson - After Sheamus hit the Brogue Kick there was a near fall spot...Lil' Natch stopped short a full second before Orton kicked out. It looked absolutely terrible.
- "Perhaps Hell In A Cell should be renamed...the Viper's Layer" - No, Michael Cole. Just...no. As the kids are saying these days, SMH.
- Using a pay-per-view to sell Monday Night Raw - That really makes no sense. I am looking forward to Edge smashing another Mac Book tomorrow night, I guess.