Rating Raw: Hornswoggle

Pros: You know those dirty, depraved things that you sometimes think but you'd never tell anyone? An act so shameful that no consenting partner, no matter how loving, would ever lower themselves to? Hornswoggle would be so grateful for the attention, he'd beam at you and holler "No recip!" and shuffle out the door pleased as punch. I mean look at the man, he's filthy.

Cons: Despite our most forward-thinking attempts at a better society, if you come home with a person who is of the "little" persuasion, odds are good that at some point in the evening, your mother's shame will become so transparent your mother will pull you aside and ask you whatever happened to "That nice Kareem fellow."

Pat Patterson Memorial Ranking: N/A (does not meet height requirement)